Attack a termite colony? That's suicide.

This is a termite head, thankfully not actual size.
Thanks to the wonder of Google image search.
The nice termite inspection man had a look around my house today and the house is free of these lil' beggars. Yay!
I didn't think that we had termites but the maggots over at the SlimeBucket Insurance Company insisted we have an inspection done, despite the fact that they DO NOT cover or pay out for termite damage.
The SlimeBucket Insurance Company took a very large cheque from me and every now and then phone me up to ask if I have finished all of their recommened house improvements.
This is my cue to remind them again that they have still not sent me a written list of what they want me to fix/replace/rectify. I have asked for this list 4 times now, because every time I speak to them something else seems to have appeared on the list.
They might be correct on the need for a handrail for the staircase down to the basement though, as I have slipped down twice now(totally sober on both occasions, before anyone says anything!)
and as the basement is the only part of the house which is bearable in the current heat I intend to spend a lot of time down here, even if there had been termites.
Title is a movie quote- any guesses?

A conversation with Sheryl Crow

My friend the communist
Holds meetings in his RV well it's good to have a hobby Sheryl
I can't afford his gas
So I'm stuck here watching tv Law and Order is on in a minute
I don't have digital i just have basic cable
I don't have diddly squat few million in the bank,now c'mon
It's not having what you want
It's wanting what you've got alright, with you on that one

I'm gonna soak up the sun now I'm not sure I should do that
I'm gonna tell everyone that's a bit bossy
To lighten up (I'm gonna tell 'em that) ok, ok I've been told
I've got no one to blame where there's a blame there's a claim
For every time I feel lame sue, if it's that bad
I'm looking up that will help prevent any more accidents
I'm gonna soak up the sun all right, for a little while then
I'm gonna soak up the sun think I need to go in now actually Sheryl.

I'm gonna soak up the sun
While it's still free really I think I might have enough sun today
I'm gonna soak up the sun
Before it goes out on me it's all very well for you Sheryl, I'm Irish.

So I left her to it, but too late, it was 33 degrees today and my version of this song is

I'm gonna soak up the (after)sun
I'm gonna tell everyone(not to touch me)
I've got Sheryl to blame
I'm gonna soak up the (after)sun.....

The Chip Chronicles

Chapter 2
in the ongoing saga of the search for good chips (of the fish and _ kind).
After the disappointment that was the experience from the place in the Beaches, called something like the Happy Sailor or Contented Captain or Perky Pirate(anyway some sort of Mirthful Mariner) I had higher hopes for Chippies on Queen Street West.
I feel a proper scientific analysis needs to be done so - marks out of five it is.
The Mirthful Mariner, soggy, overcooked, too skinny -zero potatoes out of five.




Chippies -pretty good! crisp, not too skinny, slightly overcooked but not enough to be off-putting, they get four of of five potatoes





Stayed tuned for the next riveting chapter....

Thanks to my brother Erik for the scoring system pictures!

life is a rollercoaster

The past couple of days have been very up and down with a few Things That Made Me Smile, from here on - THMMS, and Things That Pissed Me Off,- THPMO.
I'll explain.
TTPMO 1: A guy from a wilderness charity at the door who talked for a full 5 minutes about butterflies and trout and I had to interrupt to tell him that as I am unemployed I couldn't afford a subscription/whatever he was selling. He then told me that a simple donation would do.
TTPMO 2: Monster.ca. Registered with this job website months ago with all my details (medical research, lab technician yadda yadda) and all they send me is details of sales jobs.
TTPMO 3: The title for this post, for some reason as soon as I thought of ups and downs that Ronan Keating song got stuck in my head on an endless loop.
and so to
TTMMS 1: Walking away from the sanctimonious wilderness-charity-guy.
TTMMS 2: At least a couple of times a week someone mistakes Iain's accent for Australian. So this time he said, yes he was from Brisbane. They had a bit of a chat about Australia and this guy wanted to know why he would leave there to come here. Iain told him the skiing was better here. He has never been skiing. Ever.
TTMMS 3: Listening to the two guys fixing my porch roof sing along to Billy Idol's White Wedding and then Lou Reed's Take a Walk on the Wild Side.
TTMMS 4: Seeing a racoon for the first time, a whole one, alive and not in the form of a hat. It was in the tree outside our house and Iain has called it Ronnie.
More smile things, thats good.
and if the charity guy comes back I'll set the racoon on him.

this is amazing

have a look
ignore the dialogue box, just close it, then click anywhere on the picture.
(extra instructions for Iain!)

stages

does everyone go through stages with a blog?
I'm still new to this and have now gone past " the 'oh Things I Overheard In the Supermarket' that would be a good thing to put on my blog" stage. At first I had lots of ideas then I decided that those ideas were crap. (Overheard in the supermarket?? seriously.)
I suppose part of the change is because I started this for a couple of reasons, to keep busy while I look for a job and as a way for family and friends to keep in touch.
The thing is family and friends don't seem to be reading this or if they are they don't leave comments so I don't know.
So I suppose what I'm asking is, is this a normal stage of blogging, an awareness of the audience? (or lack of)

You can think I'm wrong, but that's no reason to quit thinking.

Today is Wednesday, yesterday was Tuesday.
Now I'm sure that all of that is information that you were in possession of, but seriously, what the hell was I thinking?
The season finale of House was last night at 9 pm.
So why did I not realise that it was Tuesday until 10pm last night?
I'll just continue this rant in silence for a while....

I'd like to thank the Academy...

On Monday we went to the cinema to see Thank You for Smoking. I'm not going to review it, I decided not to blog about films, there are many, many review sites out there or even just click on the Internet Movie Database over there under my links.
Back in Leeds I used to go to the cinema about 3 times a week, now, that's more like 3 times a month. Lots of reasons.
But as usual for me I've got it the wrong way round. I should be going more here.
People here in Toronto, usually go to watch the film, not chat to each other or on the phone, like in Leeds. And if someone does talk, it's not just me asking them to be quiet. And, this is the best bit, they will stop talking! In Leeds if I dared to ask the chattering chav to be quiet I was either ignored or told to feck off(it was worse that that Ted, the bad f word).
Canadians don't go to the cinema to eat either. There will be the usual, popcorn or a drink but not the moving feast. More than once I have had to open the door for people with a vat of coke and barrel of popcorn, unable to get in to the cinema.
Or that small group of people who used to go to the Hyde Park with the crinkly bag full of INDIVUALLY CRINKLY WRAPPED TOFFEES who just loved sitting behind me.
Of course it's not perfect, at the film on Monday, one guy loudly proclaimed 'that's Robert Duvall'. Which doesn't compare to the time I had to endure a full running commentary of The Grudge - 'oh she's going to go through the door..........'
We all have our moments, even me (but Amanda, it can't be, I hear you cry). My embarrasing cinema moment - I was watching my third or fourth horror film in the space of a couple of weeks and there was one scene, built up very well, main character, alone in her apartment, very quiet, no music just some distant traffic noise, camera gradually moves in for a close up of our leading lady and in the corner of the room, out of focus, is a fast movement of something large and not-human like....cue me saying, louder than I thought 'oh, holy crap no'.
Luckily there were only about 5 other people in the cinema so I didn't have to wait too long for everyone to leave at the end.

which whatever

I have seen a lot of these little, I dunno, quizzes? around and thought - aha a bandwagon, that'll do for me!
so here's one

Your Brain's Pattern

Your brain is always looking for the connections in life. You always amaze your friends by figuring out things first. You're also good at connecting people - and often play match maker. You see the world in fluid, flexible terms. Nothing is black or white.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

nothing is black or white eh? is that because I chose the purple one?

I also discovered I'm 80% weird, 45% Irish, should learn Japanese and my musical taste matches with Nicole Kidman.
quite a day.

Ten Food Related Things That Make Me euwww

1. Even the idea of veal.
2. People who chew with their mouths open.
3. Biting into something and finding a worm, or worse- half a worm. This has happened 3 times with an apple, a pear and a radish(the half-a-worm).
4. Anything with a face.
5. The frozen vegetables mixture of diced carrots, peas and turnip that my mother MADE me eat, despite the fact that I could barely choke it down. It was horrible anyway but my brother convinced me (through the power of being my big brother) that it was recycled vomit.
6. Most Chinese food. Not good if you are vegetarian. One in-flight meal in China was a salad of 3 slices of cucumber artfully separated with 2 thin strips of green pepper. That's it. Except for the tiny squares of ham hidden under the cucumber.
7. Orange flavour toothpaste. Ok, not strictly food but the way it stuck to my teeth made it feel that way for at least twenty minutes after using the stuff.
8. Bovril. Why is this stuff still around? A jar of beef flavour gloop that you make into a tasty drink. No. Just totally wrong.
9. Liqueur chocolates. You know, the ones with the liquid goo in the middle.
10. Stickers on apples. I have no idea how many of these things I have half-eaten.

cold shivers

At the Employment Resource Centre today I was told that 'yes, really the only way to get a job in Toronto is through networking'
Me: uh huh, righhhtt.
Woman behind counter: yeah.
Me: so, I don't know anyone in Toronto to network with.
Employed woman behind counter: it can be a bit of a problem.....

guess who has to go to the 'master the art of cold calling' session next week?

licence to maim

for fecks sake, what is it with people and umbrellas?
I have never been what you might call a spokesman for the Umbrella industry, but after years of keeping quiet (well, walking along muttering under my breath) I am now taking up a petition.
Yes that's right, firm action.
Bet Big Umbrella is shaking in their boots.
It takes me as long as the next woman to straigten my hair, so if it's raining I wear a hat (usually my long suffering bowler), I don't choose to cause havoc on the streets.
So, back to the petition.
From now on, in order to carry an umbrella everyone must first pass some basic tests and be issued a licence to carry. Nothing too difficult, things like being able to see other people, not shaking water all over everyone in an eight foot radius, stuff like that.
The full course will include training in :
It's only water.
Just because it's raining it does not mean there is no one else on the street.
How not to stab people in the head with the damn spikes. (Unless it's that Bulgarian/assassin thing, can't remember the details, should probably have googled it)
Walking when there is a slight breeze.

When all parts of the course have been successfully completed, you get your licence and go out there and enjoy.
Of course anyone carrying a golf umbrella automatically invalidates any licence. The clue is in the name. Now, I don't care if you are Baron Von Golf Course do not use a golf umbrella in the street. You muppet.
I can do random spot checks for valid licences, it's not like I have a lot else on until someone gives me the lab job that currently evades me. Does the job come with a gun?

Top Ten

I can't possibly hope to compete with the kudos of yesterday's post, but, inspired by Bricotrout I decided to have a go at a Top Ten list of my own.

Top Ten Words I Am Going To Use in Everyday Speech So that People Know I'm Irish
1. Banjaxed- as in 'my first and second computer monitors were _ '
2. Culchie- as in 'you don't want to listen to him, he's a right culchie'
3. Muck savage- very similar to #2
4. Gobshite- as in 'George Bush is a total gobshite'
5. Wojus- as in 'Celine Dion is a wojus singer'
6. Yoke or yokemabob- as in 'it's over there beside the yoke'
7. Deadly- as in 'I've won a prize, deadly'
8. Right wan- as in 'well she's a nice lady isn't she?'
9. eejit- as in 'Simon Cowell'
10. and what list could be complete without ...Feck. can be used with any of the above words to add emphasis or on it's own in is many forms, fecking, fecker etc.
I realise that some of the examples don't actually explain the words at all, that's because I can be a git.

Running with scissors

I've been putting off going to the hairdressers, in fact not been at all since we got here and for a couple of months before that, so at a guess, I'd say it's at least 8 months since I had a haircut.
There are a few things putting me off, 1) here, they call a fringe- bangs, right? yeah, no way I can say that, I have enough problems with communication with hairdressers(more in a minute). 2)I'm a bit nervous of hairdressers(all will become clear) and 3) by now my hair is a bit of a state.
See, there seems to be a translation problem with me and hairstylists, something happens between what I say and what they hear, for example:
I say - just a little off the length and the layers
he hears - could you make me look like a clown's apprentice

I say- a little shorter thanks
he hears - no, more like I've had brain surgery

I say - just a trim, please
she hears - if you could make it hard for me to appear in public that would be great.

I say - of course it's not ok, I look like a mushroom
he hears - that's perfect, take my money

over the years this had lead to some, erm, interesting do's.
after one, in London, I took to wearing hats for a few weeks.
And don't get me started on the number of earrings that have been ripped out and once, one 'stylist'I shall call Nervous McStabby, cut my ear! There was blood. Don't know about you but I don't expect to come out of the hairdressers with a band-aid.
I've tried taking photographs along, going midweek afternoons so they are not rushed and eventually found a good place. Three and a half thousand miles is too far to go for a haircut.
So how do I find a stylist, in Toronto, who listens, doesn't want to cut 5 inches off every time I go for a trim and who doesn't have their own agenda?

to sleep, to dream...

Didn't sleep well last night.
Not a big deal I just read for a while, then a while longer. About 3.30am turned the light off to meditate myself to sleep. The whole lack-of-job situation is really getting to me now, been here almost 6 months and don't feel any closer to employment and I'm sure that it was those thoughts keeping me awake.
Still wide awake so I went downstairs to get my Buddha's Book of Daily Meditations to read. Normally when I read in bed, when I'm done for the night I put the book under my pillow. For most of the books I've been reading recently that's ok (Beauty Tips from Moosejaw by Will Ferguson-very good, Dr Mukti by Will Self-always a fan of Mr Self, The Timewaster Letters by Robin Cooper-laughed till I cried) but the Daily Meditations book is a hard-back and chunky, not quite a Harry Potter size, but big, so that didn't help with the sleeping.
Then when I did finally get to sleep the weirdscary dreams kicked in which I'm not going to go into for fear someone will analysis them, especially the one where I had scales growing on my head! It's bound to be something like -'signifies your fear of losing your position or status in life. foretells of unexpected changes and unpleasant adventures.'
yeah tell me something I don't know.

do Sony make time machines?

I'm not sure how easy it is to see in the scan, so I'll explain.
This letter arrived yesterday May 11 2006.
We bought the computer from Future Shop where they do this complete scam of telling you that you get some of the purchase price back with a mail-in rebate.
So you send off a copy of the receipt and various other proofs and they are supposed to send a cheque.
Anyway I did all that and surprize! no cheque, but look at the reason, 'request postmarked after Feburary 15'.
Fine, there was always going to be SOME reason.
It's the next line that I liked, and the reason I'm putting it on here.
"If it is possible, please re-submit by February 15, 2006"
It arrived too late but thay want me to re-submit before the ....
nuff said.

Happy Birthday Iain

Today is Iain's Birthday!

Hasn't changed much has he?

We're not in Yorkshire anymore Toto

I had a yearning for some 'proper' chips, so we thought we would find said culinary delight down at the beaches. There was a vote recently to decide if this area is offically called the beach or the beaches, I'm not sure what the outcome was, but whatever, it's a great area of Toronto.
However, they don't know their chips, sorry.
Real chips should be thick cut, a light golden brown and soft and fluffy on the inside.
Not skinny. Not dark brown. So Not good.
These are fine for poutine, but calling them chips is just plain wrong, so the search continues.

Poutine, for the non-Canadians, is totally Canadian. It's french fries topped with gravy and cheese and is as messy as it sounds!

Still, we had a very nice walk along the boardwalk in the sunshine.

our travels

I have added a few more photos to the album, more later...

moving on up(or down)

"The escalator as we know it was later re-designed by Charles Seeberger in 1897..."Wikipedia

I decided to do a bit of research on escalators today, in preparation for a bit of a rant. While the majority of people just get on and off these modern wonders of enginnering there are a couple of sub-groups I have observed.
The Hoverer: this person likes to stand with one foot extended, hovering just above the actual step. Waiting. Usually there are a couple of test runs before finally selecting the perfect step to stand on and then they go for it. Great, except in the meantime the rush hour crowd has started to build up behind him and everyone else just gets pushed on.
The Skimmer: likes to be forced off the escalator by the forward movement of the mechanism. No stepping off for this person, no, they like to be carried as far as possible.
Often, members of both of these groups are also adept at The Ruminator school of escalator use. This is the person who, so pleased to have successfully negotiated the whole experience takes the time to look around, to smell the roses. Unfortunately for the general public 3 inches from the end of the escalator is not the most practical of meditation spots.
There are a couple more groups,but possibly I've gone on too much already!
And in the course of looking up just how long escalators have been around I discovered (thanks to Wikipedia) that some of the fear may be justified, apart from the trapped shoes and minor fall type events, there have been people killed.
so now I feel bad for being less than patient with my fellow TTC underground passengers.....

count yourself in!

Our 2006 Census form arrived yesterday.
That is, both the English and French forms arrived.
and this being Canada, there is 14(count 'em, 14) possible choices for ' relationship to person 1' on the form. Do you want to be:
opposite-sex common-law partner
same-sex common-law partner, and then all the usual choices, parent, grandparent, in-law and so on right down to lodger, boarder, room-mate and finally 'other'.
The box for 'other' is really quite small but I bet they still get some great stuff written in there, or is it just me who wants to write - 'we get on ok most of the time' or 'custard maker', 'food taster' or 'chief Tactician'.
The information on the form becomes public in 92 years so I'll be sure to go check.

Mr Clooney

Academy Award winning actor, Academy Award Nominee for Direction, and for Original screenplay, Golden Globe winner, BAFTA's, producer, but now finally, fame at last!
The Colbert Report.
http://www.comedycentral.com/motherload/?lnk=v&ml_video=63542

Word perfect 12 my arse

The daily trawl for jobs to apply for actually caught a couple of possibilities today.
Good news.
The version of word on our computer is shite.
Bad news.
The free trial version of Word 2003 I downloaded expired yesterday.
More bad news.
My resume is now inaccessible on Word 2003.
More bad news.
So I have to use Word Perfect 12 to re-do my resume.
Great news, no really that is fantastic
@#4%^&&* Windows.