licence to maim

for fecks sake, what is it with people and umbrellas?
I have never been what you might call a spokesman for the Umbrella industry, but after years of keeping quiet (well, walking along muttering under my breath) I am now taking up a petition.
Yes that's right, firm action.
Bet Big Umbrella is shaking in their boots.
It takes me as long as the next woman to straigten my hair, so if it's raining I wear a hat (usually my long suffering bowler), I don't choose to cause havoc on the streets.
So, back to the petition.
From now on, in order to carry an umbrella everyone must first pass some basic tests and be issued a licence to carry. Nothing too difficult, things like being able to see other people, not shaking water all over everyone in an eight foot radius, stuff like that.
The full course will include training in :
It's only water.
Just because it's raining it does not mean there is no one else on the street.
How not to stab people in the head with the damn spikes. (Unless it's that Bulgarian/assassin thing, can't remember the details, should probably have googled it)
Walking when there is a slight breeze.

When all parts of the course have been successfully completed, you get your licence and go out there and enjoy.
Of course anyone carrying a golf umbrella automatically invalidates any licence. The clue is in the name. Now, I don't care if you are Baron Von Golf Course do not use a golf umbrella in the street. You muppet.
I can do random spot checks for valid licences, it's not like I have a lot else on until someone gives me the lab job that currently evades me. Does the job come with a gun?