Running with scissors

I've been putting off going to the hairdressers, in fact not been at all since we got here and for a couple of months before that, so at a guess, I'd say it's at least 8 months since I had a haircut.
There are a few things putting me off, 1) here, they call a fringe- bangs, right? yeah, no way I can say that, I have enough problems with communication with hairdressers(more in a minute). 2)I'm a bit nervous of hairdressers(all will become clear) and 3) by now my hair is a bit of a state.
See, there seems to be a translation problem with me and hairstylists, something happens between what I say and what they hear, for example:
I say - just a little off the length and the layers
he hears - could you make me look like a clown's apprentice

I say- a little shorter thanks
he hears - no, more like I've had brain surgery

I say - just a trim, please
she hears - if you could make it hard for me to appear in public that would be great.

I say - of course it's not ok, I look like a mushroom
he hears - that's perfect, take my money

over the years this had lead to some, erm, interesting do's.
after one, in London, I took to wearing hats for a few weeks.
And don't get me started on the number of earrings that have been ripped out and once, one 'stylist'I shall call Nervous McStabby, cut my ear! There was blood. Don't know about you but I don't expect to come out of the hairdressers with a band-aid.
I've tried taking photographs along, going midweek afternoons so they are not rushed and eventually found a good place. Three and a half thousand miles is too far to go for a haircut.
So how do I find a stylist, in Toronto, who listens, doesn't want to cut 5 inches off every time I go for a trim and who doesn't have their own agenda?